The Seventy-two Virgins . . . Heaven or Hell ?

When, like Mohammed, you're inventing a new religion, one of the most difficult things is coming up with those snappy new gimmicks to attract followers. Unfortunately, Mohammed was living in the seventh century and was handicapped by the fact that T.V. and the Internet with all their high-tech bells and whistles hadn't been invented yet, so he was forced to fall back on pandering to basic human frailties like greed, lust, aggression and so on.

One day while he was enduring his annual bath, he, like Archimedes before him (who actually spent a lot of time in the suds), was struck by a magnificent inspiration, solving a problem of "hooking" new converts which had long perplexed him, and sprung excitedly from the tub with the Arabic equivalent of "Eureka" bursting from his lips, ran to his desk and jotted down the following note to himself;

"Any Mohammedan who commits suicide killing infidels will get seventy-two virgins in Paradise to do his bidding and fulfill his every whim and fantasy"

Now, at first glance, you have to admit that's a pretty effective proposition for a lot of pimply-faced young kids who keep getting shot down in the local singles bar by the hot chicks. Years of having drinks they've just bought for some babe who looks like a "Hooter's" centerfold poured down the front of their pants would tend to make make a lot of Mohammedan nerds begin to think seriously about those seventy-two virgins . . . and Mohammed knew this.

So far, so good . . . .

The only problem was that Mohammed never got around to thinking this thing all the way through.

Apparently, he got distracted while he was frolicking around in bed with his six-year-old wife Aisha ( if a fifty-four year old man can still actually "frolic" . . . ) and lost all his focus on this critical point of Islamic doctrine that has become so relevant in our time. His concentration wavered. His attention flagged. He neglected to work out the details.

And therein lies the problem . . . .

Let's take a look at this in a little more depth, shall we?

Here we have a 17-to-34 year old male Mohammedan, frustrated with life, strapped to the armpits with plastic explosives and ready to get his sweaty little hands on those seventy-two virgins. Out he goes into the street, climbs on a bus and . . .

K-A-A-BLOOIE ! ! !

He sets off the explosives and ascends to Paradise . . .

Again, so far, so good . . .

But now things begin to look a wee bit shaky. First of all, Allah never promised that these would be beautiful ( or, for that matter, even young . . . ) virgins. After they take off their veils, our freshly arrived martyr finds that Allah seems to have given him the wallflowers and bow-wows ( having kept the Jessica Simpsons for himself ) and the young fool never thought to bargain for the best deal like he naturally would have for a pound of apples in the marketplace.

BIG lapse of judgement there on our boy's part !

Now, he's stuck with deflowering all these virgins. Let's be charitable and say that he can manage three a night, that'll take him 24 consecutive nights to finish the job.

And, Islam being what it is, and Allah being who HE is, the poor schmuck's going to have to marry all seventy-two of these now EX-virgins.

Let's think about that. Seventy-two wives. Seventy-two newlywed wives who are now going to have to wait another 24 days before they get any more sex . . . and this is on the honeymoon !

Most guys have trouble satisfying one woman at the best of times. Why would any man in his right mind take the chance of pissing off seventy-two women even if he could keep up the pace?

Not a lot of rational thought there . . .

And, now that he's got seventy-two already bitchy and disgruntled wives, he's bound by Islamic law to provide for each of them equally. Consider the implications of that. It means ponying up for seventy-two new washing machines, seventy-two new dishwashers, seventy-two new strings of pearls, seventy-two new dresses every week, and only Allah knows how many new pairs of shoes the poor cretin will have to fork out his hard earned dinars for.

Wait . . . hard earned dinars ??? When's this poor guy going to have a chance to go to work ??

Even if he did find time for a job, where's he going to find a convenience store in Paradise that'll pay him more than minimum wage? Since the vast majority of suicide bombers are young, unskilled and under-educated, the chances of his getting a mangement position in Paradise are slim to none. You'll probably have noticed by now that none of the leaders of the terrorist groups are out on the front lines blowing themselves to smithereens . . .

And by now, he's got seventy-two SERIOUSLY cranked-off wives at home, with each and every one getting meaner by the day since they're all pregnant as a result of his initial twenty-four day orgy after his "martyrdom".

Ah, seventy-two pregnant wives . . . and now we come to the eventual children.

Yes, children are truly a gift from Allah. A blessing, each and every one of them, for the Mohammedan father. Each and every one of the ten kids those seventy-two wives will each be popping out like candy from a Pez dispenser over the years.

What a wonderfully blissful family scene that conjures to mind. Seventy-two bitchy, screeching, complaining, sex-deprived wives screaming at the seven hundred and twenty kids tearing like little maniacs around the house.

And just think, now our heroic martyr gets to foot the bill for seven hundred and twenty new pairs of designer jeans every three or four months, all the orthodontist's bills, health insurance, school supplies, etc.

Makes your mouth water just imagining that kind of Paradise, doesn't it?

Now, there's one other aspect of this "Seventy-Two Virgins" doctrine of Islam that we haven't considered yet. Not all Islamic terrorists are single men. Some are actually married men with families who thought they'd get out from under the harrow by becoming martyrs and getting in on the seventy-two virgins thing. As we can see, that was sort of like "out of the frying pan into the fire". You really have to pity guys that stupid.

Also, I don't know if you're aware of it, but if a Mohammedan's married here in this life, commits suicide as a terrorist and goes to Paradise and gets his seventy-two virgins, when his wife dies she's still married to him and joins him in Paradise. Most people would think that that would be a pretty degrading position for her to be in, but, personally, I'll bet she'll just be lying on the sofa eating chocolates and laughing her ass off watching her hubby get everything he deserves for bailing out on her and the kids.

For a woman, I think THAT'S true paradise!

It's curious, but neither the Koran or the Haditha mention the rewards awaiting the female suicide terrorists. I guess we can safely assume that they get new washer/dryers and a complete set of Tupperware.

Now, there's just one more point to cover here and we can do it quickly. There are those apologists for Islam who claim that the "seventy-two virgins" is really a mistranslation of the Koranic Arabic and that the true reading should be ( and this is a fact, I'm NOT making it up !) "seventy-two white raisins" !

Seventy-two white raisins . . . . ?!?

As far as I'm concerned, any fool that would blow himself up just to get his hands on "seventy-two white raisins" deserves more than any other individual on the face of God's green earth to have his or her DNA permanently flushed out of the human gene pool.

But that's Islam . . . . go figure . . . . !

Killing of non-muslims is legitimate (British Mullah)

There have been legions of apologists for Islamic atrocities over the past seventy to eighty years, most of these coming from individuals or groups with deeply entrenched financial, political or ideological interests in the Arab world.

When the Arabs were rabidly voicing their determination to "push the Jews into the sea" prior to each of their failed attempts to destroy the Nation of Israel, there were those in the Western media who assured us that this wasn't to be taken literally, that it was just another example of the Arab culture's tendency for bombast and hyperbole in their speech.

When the Mohammedans began to extend their range of terror beyond the bounds of the Middle East, those same media sources hammered on the manta that "Islam is a religion of peace!" Even after the unparalleled demonstration on September 11, 2001 of Islam's naked ambitions to spread their tentacles of hatred and destruction to the very heart of American society, President George W. Bush declared to a stunned and still reeling American public that "Islam is a religion of peace!"

After the atrocities perpetrated in London on July 7, 2005 there were still those who declared that Islam was a "religion of peace" and that these acts of violence ( the B.B.C. still refused to characterize them as "acts of terror") were carried out by a small number of "extremists" who were "hijacking" a "peaceful religion".

In the video above, you can hear with your own ears the naked and unashamed statements of a prominent "British" Mohammedan unmasking the soul of this "peaceful religion" to the world. As a minor, but telling, point of interest, you might note that the interviewer in this B.B.C. production of "Hardtalk", while appearing to take a severly critical line with this cleric, never once uses the word "terror" in reference to the past and future Mohammedan atrocities to which he refers.

Apparently at the B.B.C. old habits die hard.

Another extremely intriguing pattern that seems to be emerging as we develop this blog is that the vast majority of Mohammedans who are actively and increasingly vocal in their condemnation of Islam and its barbarian doctrines are women. The interview conducted in the video above seems to typify more and more frequently the attitudes of Mohammedan men.

This in itself should give the governmental authorities in all civilized countries extremely sound and valid reasons to reassess their immigration policies.

I know that if the lives and safety of millions of citizens were entrusted to me, I would certainly prefer to err on the side of caution . . . . unless, of course, I was closely linked in some way to the financial benefits the PetroSheiks are so eager and able to provide to those willing to whitewash their barbarism.