Pallywood Classics and the first "Yasser Awards" !

And now, for those of our readers who have been looking for an alternative to the annual televised extravaganzas of Hollywood's Academy Awards, Britain's BAFTA Awards and the undeniably magnificent presentations of Bollywood's film awards for the best Indian and Asian films, we are proud to present . . . . the "Yasser"! This is the coveted Palestinian "Pallywood" cinematic award for the best acting, directing, make-up, special effects and overly emotive theatrics by Arabs in the "Palestinian Territories" for the eager ( and extremely undiscriminating ) consumption of foreign wire services around the world.

Since this is the first annual Palestinian "Pallywood Awards", coming to you directly from a safe hotel in Jerusalem, Israel, where all the best and highest paid foreign correspondents stay, we are admittedly going to be rather short on identifiable nominees for the different categories, BUT we are proud to bring you the first nominations for the foreign wire services most experienced and adept at staging and distorting news reports from "Palestine"!

The three leading nominees are . . . ( a breathless hush falls over the audience . . .):

1.) Reuters News Service ( . . . cheers and applause ! )

2.) Associated Press International ( . . . more cheers and applause ! !)

3.) Agence France-Presse ( . . . riotous whistling from the emotional French !)

While the judges are unanimous in their opinion that each of these three world-renowned wire services have contributed in their own unique ways to providing staged and outrageously distorted news coverage of the Arab-Israeli conflict, the judges have decided that the award will go to . . . . REUTERS NEWS SERVICE !

THE AUDIENCE IS ON THEIR FEET, SCREAMING AND STAMPING THEIR APPROVAL !!!

Now, now . . . let's move on . . . quiet, there . . . thank you, thank you !

The reason why Reuters was awarded the coveted "Yasser" in the category of "Foreign Press Coverage" was due mainly to the incident following the 9/11 attack on the World Trade Center when, while Palestinians were celebrating and dancing in the streets of Gaza and the West Bank, the local Reuters news team actually physically assaulted an Associated Press team filming the Palestinians to stop them from documenting behaviour which would undoubtedly reflect poorly on the Palestinian image abroad.

We have to offer our own "tip of the hat" to this Reuters team for its diligence in attempting to suppress any reporting detrimental to the Arab cause, as well as a "hearty Hearst handshake" to the Reuters organization for its staunch stand against independent and objective journalism!

Well done, we say !

(The fact that the AP European news chief decided not to televise the Palestinian celebrations in no way detracts from the Reuters news team's heroic efforts to surpress this event.)

As for the next annual "Pallywood Awards", we are hoping to pin down the Palestinian individuals and Palestinian organizations responsible for such magnificently staged sound and video news "bites" and are looking forward to giving them the kudos due them for a world-wide audience ! !

Thank you, thank you all . . . and good night from Jerusalem ( as if we'd stay in Gaza . . . ! ).